Onion Strikes Back (parody)
Chief Ironfist, ruler of Megalon Empire
Ernest Tomlinson, time traveler
Princess Heather, Queen of Planet Incognito
Gregorian, King of Planet Panakeia
Jessica, Gregorian’s daughter
Sean, brother of Gregorian
Grant and Mike, sons of Jessica
Amadeus, father of the sons of Jessica
Onion was at the end of its days. The armies of the Decayteeth took over the parliament of
Onion. Great Weakhand, first leader of Onion signed the capitulation contract. He will be held
responsible for his crimes by the Court. History is written by the victorious.
Unity failed right when Onionists failed to take the idea of the united empire seriously. They
were beside it in their words, but their acts defied their words. Leaders of Onion were not
united, and selfishness overtook them. They started to deal with camarilla politics.
Convergence of the status of the people got lost between partaking countries. That meant no
honest solidarity. All was held together by the fight for power. The winner, Chief Ironfist,
leader of Empire Megalon, leant back satisfied, and looked at the map in front of him. „I did
this. This is my work” he said. „Let’s build idols from iron and concrete!” he continued.
Princess Heather, delegate of Planet Incognito, arrived to the Great Council. Ironfist, leader of
the empire, kissed her hand upon her arrival. He gave his full attention to this extremely
intelligent woman. He wanted to know her on his side. She played a great role in his games of
empire. Princess Heather was a bit sad. The downfall of Onion hit her hard. When they laid
down their arms in front of the ones with G-blood, they had to bow down for Chief Ironfist,
leader of Empire Megalon.
„You don’t have to sulk” Ironfist said. Princess Heather smiled.
„I don’t want to sulk.”
„You can’t bear someone saying to you: >>Everything’s going to change now, babe! You
have to change!<<”
„I have been very ill. Now I am fine.”
„Sadness has to end now, Heather. Don’t stress! Be over with it, and walk on!” Chief Ironfist
said. „Nice warm days are coming.”
But his chilly breath froze the ones standing around him.
King Gregory was sitting on a sofa in the Throne Room. His wife has been lying next to him.
Their daughter, Jessica, was playing on the floor
A noise came from the guards. The woman winced. The leader of the guards ran in from the
„The palace has been attacked.”
The king jumped up from the sofa. He started to put on his battle gear.
„There’s a situation. Gear up!” he turned to his wife. „Come help me! My helmet needs to be
placed on my head.”
A fighter came. „We are outnumbered” he panted.
The leader of intelligence arrived: „Sean, your brother started the rebellion.”
„Attack always comes from where you don’t expect it” King Gregory grumbled. „Deploy the
„G-bloods turned over to Prince Sean” the intelligence officer said.
„Deploy the air force” Gregory ordered.
„Our air defence is controlled by Sean. Our newly developed weapons are in his hands as
Chief Ironfist considered this a good time to attack Panakeia. He started the war against the
planet of the Panakeians. He conducted secret meetings with Prince Sean, and they agreed on
dethroning King Gregory.
Delegates met at the Big House. Youth organized a sympathy march in favor of Chief Ironfist,
in front of the Big House. Chief Ironfist stood on the balcony of the Big House and threw
money between the people. The crowd was cheering. They cheered Chief Ironfist. Ironfist
smiled and waved.
During this a press conference was organized, where they announced that Panakeia shoot a
spacecraft and declared war on King Gregory.
Lieutenant Jupiter stood in front of the microphones. The newest fashion of space suits
stretched on his tall stature. He looked down on himself proudly. The journalists startled in
the front low. They felt shivers raking their spine. Lieutenant Jupiter is a handsome man after
all. Jupiter started to talk in a soft, but definite tone. He stopped from time to time, to take
note of his success with the ladies.
„It started with Panakeian air force shooting down a Megalon spacecraft. We have to retaliate
that. Our armies are already at war. Our soldiers will be back home this autumn.
They landed in the stadium. They got out. In a once-was stadium, built from iron and
concrete, homeless were getting warm in the center of the stadium. A little group arrived with
flammable materials. The face of one of the wood-bringers flashed in the dim light.
“Hey. I know him from somewhere.”
„Hello there! My name is Ernest Tomlinson. I came from the future.”
“Welcome, stranger. What is the purpose of your visit? Why have you come here?”
„Elt me ustj ellt oyu ttah eht gnmoe of eth irfntsioed tgo edvlso Htat si ywh i revedatl eerh ,to
tlle uyo tath.”(Let me just tell you that the genome of the ironfisted got solved. That is why I
traveled here, to tell you that.)
(I don’t know yet what to make about this information. But I feel that this is an important
question. Key question.) Gregory mumbled. (And if the mutation of ironfisted proceeds?)
„Let’s talk in Incognito!” Tomlison said.
„You speak Panakeian mother tongue not???”
„I am present in the future now.” Tomlison said.
„Don’t you worry, stranger! We are in the present (I think) but still, we don’t understand each
other. Who do we have to fear more? Ironfist? Or another person?
„Until you learn Panakeian, we will have to talk in Incognito.”
„We have the ability, and we also have an Incognitan ready for anything, and everything else
is starting to get in shape…”
„You still can come in, we are opening a window.”
„For the sake of modification?”
„You grasped the main thing! If we could alter the genome of Chief Ironfist… If his ability for
„What is empathy?”
„Empathy is the ability that makes it possible to live the feelings and affective experiences of
others as our own.”
„Is that a humanoid mutation?”
„Then it would be better if the humanoid one could go down. I mean, it is the human that has
„That’s the issue. I thought by that time Ironfist did his job of forming everyone to his own
image, thus they will only remember what he wants them to remember.”
„So that’s the case. I thought everyone will be back at their right minds by that time.”
„If you are going back to Panakeia, take me with you” the girl interrupted. „Please, please,