The Onion strikes back

The flag of the Onion

The flag of the Onion

Onion Strikes Back (parody)


Chief Ironfist, ruler of Megalon Empire

Ernest Tomlinson, time traveler

Princess Heather, Queen of Planet Incognito

Gregorian, King of Planet Panakeia

Jessica, Gregorian’s daughter

Sean, brother of Gregorian

Grant and Mike, sons of Jessica

Amadeus, father of the sons of Jessica

Onion was at the end of its days. The armies of the Decayteeth took over the parliament of

Onion. Great Weakhand, first leader of Onion signed the capitulation contract. He will be held

responsible for his crimes by the Court. History is written by the victorious.

Unity failed right when Onionists failed to take the idea of the united empire seriously. They

were beside it in their words, but their acts defied their words. Leaders of Onion were not

united, and selfishness overtook them. They started to deal with camarilla politics.

Convergence of the status of the people got lost between partaking countries. That meant no

honest solidarity. All was held together by the fight for power. The winner, Chief Ironfist,

leader of Empire Megalon, leant back satisfied, and looked at the map in front of him. „I did

this. This is my work” he said. „Let’s build idols from iron and concrete!” he continued.

Princess Heather, delegate of Planet Incognito, arrived to the Great Council. Ironfist, leader of

the empire, kissed her hand upon her arrival. He gave his full attention to this extremely

intelligent woman. He wanted to know her on his side. She played a great role in his games of

empire. Princess Heather was a bit sad. The downfall of Onion hit her hard. When they laid

down their arms in front of the ones with G-blood, they had to bow down for Chief Ironfist,

leader of Empire Megalon.

„You don’t have to sulk” Ironfist said. Princess Heather smiled.

„I don’t want to sulk.”

„You can’t bear someone saying to you: >>Everything’s going to change now, babe! You

have to change!<<”

„I have been very ill. Now I am fine.”

„Sadness has to end now, Heather. Don’t stress! Be over with it, and walk on!” Chief Ironfist

said. „Nice warm days are coming.”

But his chilly breath froze the ones standing around him.


King Gregory was sitting on a sofa in the Throne Room. His wife has been lying next to him.

Their daughter, Jessica, was playing on the floor

A noise came from the guards. The woman winced. The leader of the guards ran in from the


„The palace has been attacked.”

The king jumped up from the sofa. He started to put on his battle gear.

„There’s a situation. Gear up!” he turned to his wife. „Come help me! My helmet needs to be

placed on my head.”

A fighter came. „We are outnumbered” he panted.

The leader of intelligence arrived: „Sean, your brother started the rebellion.”

„Attack always comes from where you don’t expect it” King Gregory grumbled. „Deploy the

G-blood army.”

„G-bloods turned over to Prince Sean” the intelligence officer said.

„Deploy the air force” Gregory ordered.

„Our air defence is controlled by Sean. Our newly developed weapons are in his hands as


Chief Ironfist considered this a good time to attack Panakeia. He started the war against the

planet of the Panakeians. He conducted secret meetings with Prince Sean, and they agreed on

dethroning King Gregory.


Delegates met at the Big House. Youth organized a sympathy march in favor of Chief Ironfist,

in front of the Big House. Chief Ironfist stood on the balcony of the Big House and threw

money between the people. The crowd was cheering. They cheered Chief Ironfist. Ironfist

smiled and waved.

During this a press conference was organized, where they announced that Panakeia shoot a

spacecraft and declared war on King Gregory.

Lieutenant Jupiter stood in front of the microphones. The newest fashion of space suits

stretched on his tall stature. He looked down on himself proudly. The journalists startled in

the front low. They felt shivers raking their spine. Lieutenant Jupiter is a handsome man after

all. Jupiter started to talk in a soft, but definite tone. He stopped from time to time, to take

note of his success with the ladies.

„It started with Panakeian air force shooting down a Megalon spacecraft. We have to retaliate

that. Our armies are already at war. Our soldiers will be back home this autumn.


They landed in the stadium. They got out. In a once-was stadium, built from iron and

concrete, homeless were getting warm in the center of the stadium. A little group arrived with

flammable materials. The face of one of the wood-bringers flashed in the dim light.

“Hey. I know him from somewhere.”

„Hello there! My name is Ernest Tomlinson. I came from the future.”

“Welcome, stranger. What is the purpose of your visit? Why have you come here?”

„Elt me ustj ellt oyu ttah eht gnmoe of eth irfntsioed tgo edvlso Htat si ywh i revedatl eerh ,to

tlle uyo tath.”(Let me just tell you that the genome of the ironfisted got solved. That is why I

traveled here, to tell you that.)

(I don’t know yet what to make about this information. But I feel that this is an important

question. Key question.) Gregory mumbled. (And if the mutation of ironfisted proceeds?)

„Let’s talk in Incognito!” Tomlison said.

„You speak Panakeian mother tongue not???”

„I am present in the future now.” Tomlison said.

„Don’t you worry, stranger! We are in the present (I think) but still, we don’t understand each

other. Who do we have to fear more? Ironfist? Or another person?

„Until you learn Panakeian, we will have to talk in Incognito.”

„We have the ability, and we also have an Incognitan ready for anything, and everything else

is starting to get in shape…”

„You still can come in, we are opening a window.”

„For the sake of modification?”

„You grasped the main thing! If we could alter the genome of Chief Ironfist… If his ability for


„What is empathy?”

„Empathy is the ability that makes it possible to live the feelings and affective experiences of

others as our own.”

„Is that a humanoid mutation?”

„Then it would be better if the humanoid one could go down. I mean, it is the human that has

to change.”

„That’s the issue. I thought by that time Ironfist did his job of forming everyone to his own

image, thus they will only remember what he wants them to remember.”

„So that’s the case. I thought everyone will be back at their right minds by that time.”



„If you are going back to Panakeia, take me with you” the girl interrupted. „Please, please,

pretty please!”

Coming soon…

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